Terms to Know and How They Work July 28, 2024 – Posted in: Relationship Dating Advice – Tags: , ,

There is also another term you need to know besides ghosting and that is gaslighting. I figured
out ghosting all on my own because it just made sense. Gaslighting I had to look up. In simple
terms it puts blame on the other person. It usually happens in an extended relationship, but I
have found examples in the dating world.
This happened to me. Made a plan to meet a new gentleman at the neighborhood bar in 3 days.
We were texting and set the time and place. I never heard from him until an hour before the meet
up. Text me to confirm. I was in the shower and didn’t get back to him for 20 minutes. I said
fine and I would meet him there. I was on time. I waited 30 minutes. I finally texted him and
said I was here. He told me since I didn’t get back to him immediately, he thought I would be a
no show and made other plans. That’s gaslighting. He put the mess up on me when it was really
him who apparently didn’t want the date to begin with.
Ladies, be very careful with this one. I have discovered men are very good at gaslighting. If
your date gives you any sort of blame, attack the problem logically. Did you follow through on
the plan? If you did then you are not at fault. If you’re running late because of work or traffic,
he should be considerate and just glad you made it instead of putting blame on you for having to
wait. If the late arrival was something that you could not control, then the gentleman’s action in
this case was rude.

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If you have been dating someone for a long period of time and it just is not working for you, how
do you handle that?
Just because you want to move on, doesn’t mean he is a bad person. You have some history
together and a lot of good times to remember. If you truly made up your mind that you need to
break up with your guy, think it through and have a plan of what you want to say,
This definitely what I am the worst at. I get very anxious at any kind of confrontation. It would
not be fair to him or you if you continued the relationship and your heart just wasn’t in it
anymore.
Have a plan: Here are my five steps.
Step One:
Pick a place and time to meet with him without any distractions.
Step Two:
Name 3 things that made you fall in love with him in the first place.

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2.____________________________________________________________________________
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3.
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Step Three:
Now is when you tell him how you’ve been feeling. Remember my “but” and “you” rule? Don’t
use them. Use I. This problem is about you and how you feel.
Instead of “you never help with the household chores and I do everything”. This usually starts an
argument. Say “I’m feeling not valued doing everything around the house” or “I’ve been too
tired to even want sex anymore because I’m taking care of everything around the house after I
work all day and I’m just worn out.”
He might get an attitude and say something like “you don’t even remember that 2 weeks ago I
brought home dinner and walked the dog and helped with dishes.” That’s gaslighting because he
couldn’t acknowledge your feelings. You weren’t blaming him. You were just saying that you
feel this way and the reason why. Think this one through and put your notes down here.
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Step Four:

Make an exit plan and a timeline. Everyone’s situation varies so this is very individual. Maybe
you have things at his house or vice versa. Do you need to move out and find your own place? If
you need family or friend’s help this is the step to ask for it. Definitely have a solid plan.
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Step Five:
Always end on a positive note if possible. Talk about remembering why you fell in love or any
special events you did that you will never forget. I watch the Bachelorette in Paradice, and those
girls try very hard to end it with a hug and some sadness but be firm. It’s just not working for you
the way you had hoped. Give this some thought also. I would only mention a couple things here.
He’s probably upset by now and you are ready to just rip off the band aid be done with it.
Remember to be kind.
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Other:
This is for anything particular in your relationship that you need to say or do that I haven’t
mentioned. Extra notes. Don’t make this process too long. That usually starts arguments.